May. 7th, 2008 @ 02:34 pm [1] Thoughts on marriage
Current Mood: cold

I don't wanna be no man's woman
I've other work I want to get done
I haven't traveled this far to become
no man's woman
no man's woman

Cuz I'm tired of it
and I'm so scared of it
that I'll never trust again
cuz a man can fake you
take your soul and make you
miserable in so much pain


Shannon Weiss stared at her husband. The eyes that had been sparkling with joy five minutes before were now dark with anger. The hands that had been in the process of removing her husband's suit jacket now sat perched on her hips. Her blouse was open to her waist and her chest was heaving with heavy breaths that showed how upset she really was. He couldn't be serious.

"Shannon, think about it. Now is the perfect time. Take a year or two off, relax. Have a baby. You can always come back-" He tried to sound as soothing as possible, but he couldn't hide his frustration and she could hear it.

"Eric, no!" She cut him off. "I can't believe you'd even ask me that. Especially tonight, of all nights!" The award she'd received for outstanding work on their latest assignment was sitting in it's official folder on their glass coffee table.

To emphasize his point, Eric lifted it and opened it, showing it to her. She'd already memorized every word on the bland page. The actual commendation went into her file. The award would sit on her shelf and collect dust with the other half dozen she'd earned in the two years she'd been climbing her way to the top. "Shannon, this... all of them... they mean squat to me. I want a wife. Not some "super spy" who's hell bent on saving the world." He knew as soon as he said it that it was the wrong thing to say. Still, he tossed the padded folder back to the table with a loud smack.

Shannon stared at him for a long moment. "So, what you're saying is that-" When he started to speak, she held up her hand and he stopped, looking pained. "What you're saying is that what I am isn't good enough. What you want is someone else."

It wasn't the first time they'd discussed children. It wasn't the first time he'd tried to coax her into taking time off for maternity leave. It was, however, the first time he'd indicated that he wasn't happy with the both of them being spies. "You made me this. You recruited me, you trained me, you fucking walked with me every single step of the way and now that I'm on the brink of making it big..." She shook her head and turned to walk out of the room, buttoning her blouse again.

"Shannon, I-" Eric sighed.

"Eric, I'm not quitting. I'm twenty-six years old. I have so much I want to do." She turned to look at him and saw the pain in his eyes. "I know what you want. Your parents had that perfect marriage and that perfect family and you want that so bad. I do, too. I just... I want this first. I worked hard to become this. You, of all people, know how hard I worked." He nodded. "I can't give it up now. You know that less than ten percent of field rated women who leave come back. I want a few more years."

Eric listened to her speech knowing that what she said was the truth. In her eyes he saw the fire that made him fall in love with her in the first place. He was older by four years and was ready to start on the family that he knew was waiting for him. Shannon would make a wonderful mother, he was sure of it. "And in a few more years, what then? If nothing's gone wrong, will you want to stop then? Really?"

He wasn't trying to be antagonistic, she saw that. The questions were fair. A bit morbid, maybe, but fair. She owed it to him to be fair, as well. The honesty came before she was ready. "I don't know."

Eric sighed and for the first time in four years, slept on the couch. Shannon didn't sleep, she sat on the bed and wondered what she would do in four years.

**Thirty seems like a nice round number. Children at thirty. Perfect. Well, unless I'm promoted. Or on an extended undercover assignment, although they technically don't give those to married couples. So, thirty. Oh! Except if they need me for something in particular. Not like you can PLAN getting pregnant. I mean, we can START trying when I'm thirty, right?**

The more she thought about it, the more jumbled her thoughts became. By the time the alarm went off at six, she was still in her skirt and blouse from the night before. She walked in stocking feet to the front room where she saw Eric laying on the couch, awake. She perched on the edge of the couch and looked at him. He stared back, just as silent.

She shrugged, a little helpless. "I don't know." He nodded and held out his arms so she could lay down next to him. "I'll always love you, Eric." She could feel his nod.

"I'll always love you, too." His lips brushed the top of her head.

They went together later that afternoon to file the papers for their divorce.
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